Happiness has always been important to me. Even through the mess and chaos, my goal is to still be happy despite it all. Often at times, we end up feeling unhappy and dissatisfied and we are not quite sure why happiness isn’t altogether there for us.
What exactly are we doing wrong? Why does it sometimes feel like happiness is a struggle?
When I started to realize what happiness was not, I started to notice where I was losing my happiness. Happiness really is just an ‘in the moment’ choice. It cannot always be the end goal as we are always changing and walking into different transitions. At the end of the day, happiness is a choice, as are many other things in life. When we have negative thoughts, we get to decide whether or not it will make us or break us.
We could be having a great night out with some friends and all of a sudden we receive a message from someone and it could immediately kill our mood. This is a really small example but it is one of those moments where you can decide to let it ruin your night or you can let it go and continue to have fun with your friends.
In my life, I have developed certain tools to help remind me to choose happiness. I am still learning as I go. There are certain things that I had to work through :
1. I believe every thought that is in my head :
This is one of the hardest tools I have had to learn in my life. Often I believe every negative thought I have about myself or about the situation I am in. I learnt that when this happens, as hard as it is, you need to ask yourself, “Is this really true?” There are moments where we have actually crafted our very own reality.
When you start to take things at face value rather than reading into things or creating your own expectations, you are then able to recognize the truth.
2. I do not think I am worthy :
This one is huge for me. Later on in my blog I will go into more detail but for now let us just say that this is another thing I have really had to work hard on.
A lot of our personal experiences shape who we are and how we see and believe things. There are moments where we start to believe that we do not deserve any happiness. The lack of self-confidence and positive self-talk leads us into a place where we begin to question our own worthiness.
Recently, I attended my cell group at my church and this specific night we learnt about positive self-talk. This has always been a difficult topic for me as I have had to work through this for a few years now. Some of us looked at each other thinking, “Oh no.. Now what!” because it was really tough and vulnerable. As we entered this moment, we all had the opportunity to sit on a chair in the center, surrendered by everyone, and tell the people around us what we loved about ourselves for a minute. I was one of the last to sit on that chair. It was scary. It made me realize how much I actually do not appreciate or value myself and how I focus so much more on what I am not than on what I am.
The next part of the evening was even more daunting but so beautiful at the same time. We were divided into groups and each group had to stand in front of a mirror. Everyone had an opportunity to face the mirror and listen to what the other people in the group love about them. As difficult as it was, it brought us so much closer and made us realize the beauty of affirmation. Just telling someone how valued they are can honestly change their week, month or year.
Believing you are worthy is so important.
3. There is no surrender :
As much as we sometimes enjoy trying to control a lot of things that go on in our lives, there are many things that will always be outside of our control. I agree, giving up that control is incredibly difficult. It somehow feels less painful when we try and grab hold of every thing that happens to us.
Here is the hard truth: We need to put our trust in Him. You cannot stop disasters from happening. You can do your best and let God (whatever you may believe in) handle the rest.
Learn to be okay and let go.
4. Judgement over curiosity :
When I do not understand something, the first thing that I sometimes do is judge. It is quick to decide what and who we do not like. As difficult as it may sometimes be, learning to slip into curiosity rather than judgement allows us the opportunity to have a sense of wonder when it comes to learning more.
We need to learn how to give people and situations a chance.
5. I fill my voids with my drug of choice :
The drug could be anything – alcohol, binge-watching series or spending too much time on things that could wait. We all tend to have a “go-to’ escape for when life starts to become tough or when we do not want to confront our feelings. When it starts to take over your life, it starts to rule you.
It has nothing to do with having temporary escapes, it is about having healthier ones. I have learnt to develop many other solutions when I am struggling. This includes crying, praying, confronting my fears and feelings, going for a walk, or talking to someone about what I am going through. It has not always been like that. I used to avoid things by playing one too many levels of Candy Crush, spending too much time watching television or becoming incredibly stubborn and avoiding confronting my thoughts and feelings.
If I fall back into an unhealthy solution again, I forgive myself and just try again. I can always try again.
“Every day may not be good but there is something good in every day.”