“Once strangers, now friends….a few things to remember when you want to forge a real relationship.”
I spent an interesting evening with some really special people a few weeks ago where we spoke about vulnerability and what it looked like in friendships. We summed it up in one word, “Intention“.
What are the intentions behind the friendships that you are creating? When things get messy or too vulnerable, do you run away or move closer? That evening I learnt something incredibly profound. You can only love as much as you are willing to get hurt.
We have this obsession over social ‘connectedness’. This has completely altered and warped the authenticity behind ‘meaningful connections’. We share our lives all over social media and through that we start to connect with others all around us, sometimes forgetting what true human connections actually look like. Life can be difficult but also beautiful. It is messy. It is raw. Sometimes it can even suck! In saying that though, do we really share our true selves with others? It could be fear or even shyness that holds us back from that special connection with someone else.
This has caused me to take a look at my own life. I long for connection, authenticity and vulnerability in friendships, where we embrace the mess together. That is how I see connection. So this is my question to you: How can we have more of an authentic connection with the many people we cross paths with every day?
I thought about this for a while and came up with my own solutions to this question.
Be a listener: This can be hard. I still have to practise this. Think of a time when you have told someone a story and they have appeared disinterested. It is disheartening, don’t you think? I have learnt to listen to someone with every fibre of my being. If you start to feel distracted, refocus.
Grace: The beautiful thing about life is that everyone on our planet has an untold story. Personal battles are being fought every day. Grace and patience are really helpful when it comes to connection. There will be many mistakes, times of frustration and anger but grace can be really special if it is implemented in the right way. I love grace!
Do not be afraid of vulnerability: It is difficult to be close to someone when you are constantly worrying about what they are thinking. My favourite friendships are those where it is never necessary for me to hide my fears. Instead I either voice them or work through them with someone that is close to me. There is beauty in connecting with someone over shared openness.
Empathy is beautiful: The definition of empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. In my friendships, the special moments have come out of understanding one another and learning how to be sensitive to one another’s feelings. Compassion is what makes friendship so unique. No judgement, no ugliness, understanding, warmth, love and commitment.
“When we seek for connection, we restore the world to wholeness. Our seemingly separate lives become meaningful as we discover how truly necessary we are to each other.”
Margaret J. Wheatley