Self-Awareness – It Is A Choice

There are many ways to become better individuals, but self-awareness has been the most important in my life.  It is not always easy being truly and completely aware of feelings, thoughts and how others perceive you.  It has been difficult and has taken a lot of effort to strengthen my ability to see and understand myself clearly.

There have been moments where I have become upset over something really silly that triggered some difficult feelings that had to do with past experiences.  Through self-awareness I have noticed that this has become a pattern throughout my life.

My 22 years of life has consisted of blessings, opportunities, adventures, difficult life lessons and many heartbreaks.  Although I have worked through many difficult seasons in my life, I still battle with the concept of self-awareness.  Because of the heartaches, it has been easy for me to immediately assume that everyone is going to hurt me.

“Will they stick to their promises?”
“Will they leave me?”
“Will they find me difficult to love?”

Not until recently did I try and process this heart-verse-head dilemma.  So often we understand our emotional response and where it stems from but find it difficult to change our mindset.

I have learnt to steer away from the victim mentality.  Although I have experienced ill-treatment, heartache and disloyalty, I try my best not to blame other people for my behaviour or my emotional reactions.  I can definitely say though, that these experiences have most certainly shaped who I am today.

When we allow ourselves to look back and acknowledge past hurts and wrongdoings, we are able to affirm ourselves by believing that we did not deserve that heartache and that it is not our fault that we struggle in certain ways as a result.  However, I have learnt that it is my responsibility to change my own responses and behaviours, by understanding what is going on in my head and my heart.

How have I learnt to do this?

1. CHECK IN WITH MYSELF

This is still a difficult step for me.  We often avoid our emotions because we can be afraid of them.  We are sometimes afraid of what we will find.  Setting aside time to confront your heart and your mind can be painful and scary but I have learnt how worthwhile it can be.  How am I feeling?  What are the thoughts that are running through my mind?  How am I reacting to things around me?  If I am feeling irritated or emotional, I pause and take a minute to reflect on what it is that is making me feel that way.  It slowly starts to become a habit and you will find that confronting how you feel becomes easier.

2. ENOUGH WITH THE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

I often put pressure on myself to fix things quickly.  There is an overwhelming sense of discomfort when you feel as though you are not where you should be.  This is a lie.  Being aware of my state of mind includes refraining from adding unnecessary judgment or expectation on myself.  When we are feeling something, we should not tell ourselves that it is wrong to feel that way.  I have learnt to give myself grace and allow myself time to process things so that I can get to where I need to be.  I have also realized that it is okay to feel certain things and to have ‘sad’ days.

3. ACCEPTANCE

I have found that accepting discomfort is important.  Acceptance can really be classified as skill.  It takes patience and a lot of practice.  The first step to winning and losing is to be okay with it.  When it comes to self-awareness, it is not about perfecting your emotions as soon as you start to recognize them.  It is all about being able to truly see and understand yourself clearly.  I have reached a stage in my life where I am able to let myself feel what I am feeling.  Acceptance leads to a healthier life.

4. PRACTISE AND REPEAT