You are more incredible than you know and you deserve more than you think.
I found myself going around in circles, sacrificing parts of who I was just to make him happy. I ran after him, hoping I would be loved back. Whilst giving my all, I lost parts of me that were special, all for the sake of wanting to be accepted and not rejected. Welcome to the “High School Candice”.
Three years. That is how long this on-and-off emotionally abusive relationship went on for. 15-year-old me was in complete denial, ignoring every red flag. “I can change him”, I thought. Things got progressively worse and I found myself caught up in the whirlwind of toxic emotions.
I was manipulated, humiliated, lied to, rejected, abandoned and blamed for anything and everything that had happened. I was often compared to his “first love” – “She used to wear such nice clothes, you should try it sometime!”, “Her hair used to look like this but yours looks like that!”.
It took a good couple of years to completely heal. It really was no joke. It took time to get to where I am now. Throughout this relationship, I believed I was unworthy. That in itself is a process to work through. It was only when I had a “mind-shift moment” that I decided to change my perspective and start believing that I was enough. To this day, I am still battling with insecurities and feelings of “I am not enough” but I am proud of how far I have come and how much I have worked through.
It is never too late to get out of an abusive relationship. Many people close to me have chosen to stay in an abusive relationship and as much as it breaks my heart to know they do not see themselves as worthy, I am still aware of how difficult it is to walk away and fully let go.
Looking back on my own experiences and lessons, I have listed a few things that have personally changed the way I have thought in the past. Here they are:
PEOPLE WILL WANT YOU TO “SEE THE LIGHT” BUT THIS WILL HAPPEN IN YOUR OWN TIME
Those close to me would often try and encourage me to walk away from this relationship and would ask me why I still wanted to be with him. They tried their best to make me “see the light” but it was not until I was left with my very own thoughts, that I realised what I fully deserved. I started to see clearer and for the first time I managed to gather up the courage to say goodbye. I needed to do that on my own. That was my first step towards freedom.
YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS
You are deserving of love, respect, honesty and happiness. Don’t think you deserve the best? Continue reading…
SPEAK TO SOMEONE
Someone close to me booked an appointment for me to go and speak to a psychologist. I remember feeling as though something was really wrong with me. “A psychologist? Really?” This was a difficult step for me but after a few sessions with her, I started feeling more at peace, as though a load of weight was lifted off of my shoulders. The ultimate truth was that I accepted poor treatment because I did not believe I was deserving of anything better. It was an eye-opening moment. Do not be afraid to talk to someone.
DO NOT CHASE LOVE
I became so scared of rejection that I ran after things that were never good for me. I believed I was weak. It took me four years to understand what love should really look like. Do not run after any kind of love because you do not believe you will receive the best. The right love will come.
YOU CANNOT CHANGE THEM
My goal was to change the person I was dating. I thought that I was fully capable of transforming him into a better person and that I was going to be his hero. You cannot get someone to change if they do not want to. They need to get to that place themselves. I came to a place where letting go was the only option and I am grateful that I did.
WAIT FOR SOMEONE WHO WILL HONOUR AND LOVE YOU
It was only until I realized what love really looked like, that I had an idea of how I wanted to be treated. Today, I stand beside someone who loves me for me, who understands my thoughts and feelings, who comforts me, works through my insecurities with me and who supports me in everything that I do. Love is not always easy and it will never be perfect but we both know what we deserve and this is why we are happy. This love came at the perfect time and I look back, never regretting anything but wishing I was more aware of how I was being treated and what I deserved.
I have seen both men and women get incredibly hurt in relationships. We are all deserving of love. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who do not realize how amazing you are.
Whoever is reading this, I hope you realize how strong you are. May you feel inspired to go out there and surround yourself with those that make you happy.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not envy and it does not boast.
Love is not proud.
Love does not dishonour others.
Love is not self-seeking.
Love is not easily angered.
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.